oof
My friend just e-mailed me. He was sitting watching tv when a mosquito landed on his crotch. His slap a mosquito when it lands on you instinct kicked in and resulted in a painful blow to the right testicle.
Haha. He hit himself in the testicles. I like stories about people getting hit in the testicles.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Stag
I went on a stag do at the weekend and it was tremendous fun. We went to Llangollen- north wales. It seems a nice place. There is a river running through it, hilly surroundings, an amusing taxidermy shop with a wide array of ugly, scary looking stuffed animals and a nice riverside station with a steam train to go sight seeing along the Dee valley. On Friday night we drank in the nice old pub we were staying in and it was a fairly quiet night. On Saturday we went to an outdoor centre in the morning and did an hour racing mud buggies around a track and then an hour mountain quad biking, which was enormous fun - very, very enjoyable. Good hilly scenery and pissing around on quad bikes is a good combination. One of my friends managed to turn his on its side quite impressively after trying to get the back end out. He was lucky it didn't roll all the way over but as it was it was very amusing. His face was a treat as he realised he was going over. Then we went back to town and started the drinking watching the rugby. A slightly ropey curry and a hotel bar playing drinking games was the rest of the stag evening. Any nice pubs were too busy for us all to get a table so the weird unpopular hotel bar was the best bet. It had all sorts of crap hung from the ceiling- a pram full of wombles, pitchforks, scythes bed pans, bikes and other random stuff. The toilets were downstairs. To get to them involved going along a poorly carpeted corridor which had a load of empty, slightly decrepit rooms off either side. The sort of place a serial killer would have been proud of. But it was a fun evening. Even though the owner of the bar was a tedious man who enjoyed talking at his clientelle about his art and the website he sold it on.
And then on Sunday I got to spend 3 painful hung over hours driving back from north wales.
That is my first Welsh stag of the year. I have another one at the end of next month so i can see how North Wales stags compare with South Wales stags.
I went on a stag do at the weekend and it was tremendous fun. We went to Llangollen- north wales. It seems a nice place. There is a river running through it, hilly surroundings, an amusing taxidermy shop with a wide array of ugly, scary looking stuffed animals and a nice riverside station with a steam train to go sight seeing along the Dee valley. On Friday night we drank in the nice old pub we were staying in and it was a fairly quiet night. On Saturday we went to an outdoor centre in the morning and did an hour racing mud buggies around a track and then an hour mountain quad biking, which was enormous fun - very, very enjoyable. Good hilly scenery and pissing around on quad bikes is a good combination. One of my friends managed to turn his on its side quite impressively after trying to get the back end out. He was lucky it didn't roll all the way over but as it was it was very amusing. His face was a treat as he realised he was going over. Then we went back to town and started the drinking watching the rugby. A slightly ropey curry and a hotel bar playing drinking games was the rest of the stag evening. Any nice pubs were too busy for us all to get a table so the weird unpopular hotel bar was the best bet. It had all sorts of crap hung from the ceiling- a pram full of wombles, pitchforks, scythes bed pans, bikes and other random stuff. The toilets were downstairs. To get to them involved going along a poorly carpeted corridor which had a load of empty, slightly decrepit rooms off either side. The sort of place a serial killer would have been proud of. But it was a fun evening. Even though the owner of the bar was a tedious man who enjoyed talking at his clientelle about his art and the website he sold it on.
And then on Sunday I got to spend 3 painful hung over hours driving back from north wales.
That is my first Welsh stag of the year. I have another one at the end of next month so i can see how North Wales stags compare with South Wales stags.
What would Jesus do?
I was watching the news yesterday morning as i got ready for work. They were reporting on the finding of a child's body buried in concrete in a care home in Jersey and the suggestions of wide spread cruelty to children. Their interview subject was a Jersey vicar. And on live national television he said we should treat people who mistreat children as it suggests in the old testament - we should hang mill stones around their neck and throw them in to the sea. Obviously, mistreating children is wrong but this seems a little much, particularly coming out of the mouth of a man whose religion is based on the teachings of Jesus. I am fairly sure Jesus was against tying mill stones around people's necks and drowning them. But I could easily be wrong - I am sure a vicar would know more about it than me...
I was watching the news yesterday morning as i got ready for work. They were reporting on the finding of a child's body buried in concrete in a care home in Jersey and the suggestions of wide spread cruelty to children. Their interview subject was a Jersey vicar. And on live national television he said we should treat people who mistreat children as it suggests in the old testament - we should hang mill stones around their neck and throw them in to the sea. Obviously, mistreating children is wrong but this seems a little much, particularly coming out of the mouth of a man whose religion is based on the teachings of Jesus. I am fairly sure Jesus was against tying mill stones around people's necks and drowning them. But I could easily be wrong - I am sure a vicar would know more about it than me...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
ironing board
If you are heading out for a couple of drinks this evening, my advice to you would be don't leave your ironing board set up just in front of the front door and definitely don't leave it set up so it is crotch high. Then you will be able to avoid bursting in to your dark living room with the intention of relieving your straining bladder and finding yourself being abruptly stopped by the end of an ironing board hitting you in the testicles.
If you are heading out for a couple of drinks this evening, my advice to you would be don't leave your ironing board set up just in front of the front door and definitely don't leave it set up so it is crotch high. Then you will be able to avoid bursting in to your dark living room with the intention of relieving your straining bladder and finding yourself being abruptly stopped by the end of an ironing board hitting you in the testicles.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
umbrella
I was walking home from the tube after going to a pub quiz. I had my umbrella with me. When I walk back with an umbrella I like to use it like a walking stick, twirl the umbrella around my hand a bit and also to place the tip on the ground and kick it so the bottom of the umbrella swings up and over pivoting around my hand and returns to its original starting position. I find it makes a dull walk, slightly less dull. I was doing my usual swinging the umbrella about a bit and then went for the kick the umbrella around in a circle trick. Probably because i was somewhat well oiled, i gave the umbrella a good boot but the direction of the kick was a little awry resulting in me kicking the tip in to my forehead. It hurt and there is a slightly red mark to remind me of the incident today.
I was walking home from the tube after going to a pub quiz. I had my umbrella with me. When I walk back with an umbrella I like to use it like a walking stick, twirl the umbrella around my hand a bit and also to place the tip on the ground and kick it so the bottom of the umbrella swings up and over pivoting around my hand and returns to its original starting position. I find it makes a dull walk, slightly less dull. I was doing my usual swinging the umbrella about a bit and then went for the kick the umbrella around in a circle trick. Probably because i was somewhat well oiled, i gave the umbrella a good boot but the direction of the kick was a little awry resulting in me kicking the tip in to my forehead. It hurt and there is a slightly red mark to remind me of the incident today.
Monday, January 28, 2008
talent?
I was pleased to see over the weekend that Coleen McLoughlin (girlfriend of half witted, potato headed multi millionaire footballer Wayne Rooney ) has her very own TV show coming out. It is nice to know that being a somewhat attractive, (if an overly orange woman in need of a personality can be considered attractive) vacuous retard, only famous because she has managed to bag herself a spud faced moron with a penchant for grannies who happens to be very good at football, is all that is required to get your own TV show. Actual talent is superfluous.
(In linking to the charming couple above I read some of the Coleen bit on Wikipedia. They have a Dallas themed living room.
And Wayne proposed to her on the forecourt of a BP garage. It is nice to see romance isn't dead.)
I was pleased to see over the weekend that Coleen McLoughlin (girlfriend of half witted, potato headed multi millionaire footballer Wayne Rooney ) has her very own TV show coming out. It is nice to know that being a somewhat attractive, (if an overly orange woman in need of a personality can be considered attractive) vacuous retard, only famous because she has managed to bag herself a spud faced moron with a penchant for grannies who happens to be very good at football, is all that is required to get your own TV show. Actual talent is superfluous.
(In linking to the charming couple above I read some of the Coleen bit on Wikipedia. They have a Dallas themed living room.
And Wayne proposed to her on the forecourt of a BP garage. It is nice to see romance isn't dead.)
cereal
My cousin came down to stay with me this weekend. She was taking the American SATs because she is thinking of going to University in the US and so has to have an SAT result to do that... Anyway, I had to buy her some cereal as she didn't approve of my fruit and nut option. She went with Frosties, which i joined her in eating on Sunday morning. It took me back to my childhood. I ate Frosties before school for many years and had perfected my eating method to get the maximum enjoyment out of a bowl. It was as follows.
Perfect Frosties Eating Technique. (If you are me)
1. Add the required amount of delicious frosted flakes to a bowl.
2. Add a generous amount of milk fresh out of the fridge and as cold as possible to the bowl. The milk should be about 1 cm higher in the bowl than the top of the cereal before the addition of the milk.
3. Leave the bowl of cereal and boil 3 cups of water.
4. Make a cup of tea with the boiled water (The timing of steps 3 and 4 is crucial. This allows the milk to slightly soften the Frosties and also the sugar from the Frosties starts to dissolve and turn the milk sweet. Too little time and the Frosties will be too hard and stand some chance of lacerating the roof of your mouth. More importantly though, the remaining milk may not be enjoyably sweet by the time the flakes have been eaten. On the other hand, taking too much time results in a soggy mess of cereal, where you do get sweet milk, which is nice, but the flakes lack any crunch and the texture in the mouth is not a pleasant one. How quickly your kettle boils and how fast you are at making tea are obvious variables here so some experimentation may be required.)
5. Eat the still crunchy Frosties, being careful not to take up too much milk with each spoonful.
6. Drink the enjoyably large amount of deliciously sweet milk remaining in the bowl.
I enjoyed going through my ritual again on Sunday and have the remainder of the pack to look forward to as well. They're great.
My cousin came down to stay with me this weekend. She was taking the American SATs because she is thinking of going to University in the US and so has to have an SAT result to do that... Anyway, I had to buy her some cereal as she didn't approve of my fruit and nut option. She went with Frosties, which i joined her in eating on Sunday morning. It took me back to my childhood. I ate Frosties before school for many years and had perfected my eating method to get the maximum enjoyment out of a bowl. It was as follows.
Perfect Frosties Eating Technique. (If you are me)
1. Add the required amount of delicious frosted flakes to a bowl.
2. Add a generous amount of milk fresh out of the fridge and as cold as possible to the bowl. The milk should be about 1 cm higher in the bowl than the top of the cereal before the addition of the milk.
3. Leave the bowl of cereal and boil 3 cups of water.
4. Make a cup of tea with the boiled water (The timing of steps 3 and 4 is crucial. This allows the milk to slightly soften the Frosties and also the sugar from the Frosties starts to dissolve and turn the milk sweet. Too little time and the Frosties will be too hard and stand some chance of lacerating the roof of your mouth. More importantly though, the remaining milk may not be enjoyably sweet by the time the flakes have been eaten. On the other hand, taking too much time results in a soggy mess of cereal, where you do get sweet milk, which is nice, but the flakes lack any crunch and the texture in the mouth is not a pleasant one. How quickly your kettle boils and how fast you are at making tea are obvious variables here so some experimentation may be required.)
5. Eat the still crunchy Frosties, being careful not to take up too much milk with each spoonful.
6. Drink the enjoyably large amount of deliciously sweet milk remaining in the bowl.
I enjoyed going through my ritual again on Sunday and have the remainder of the pack to look forward to as well. They're great.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
top shelf
I went in to pick up some supplies last night from my local corner store and whilst in there had a glance at the top shelf so i could have a free look at the scantily clad women on display. They have a particularly large selection for a corner store. Presumably the shop wouldn't stock them if they didn't sell, but with such a huge array of top shelf material available for free at the click of a mouse, i am surprised that jazz mags have any sort of market nowadays. Apart from being free, by using the internet you avoid the potential embarrassment of taking the Big Jugs magazine you have carefully selected up to the counter and paying the clearly disapproving older Indian lady, whilst the teenagers who have just come in to the shop giggle at your purchase... I imagine. Despite this shop's impressive collection, the range on offer is far smaller than that on the interweb. Magazines do have the advantage of being easily transported but mobile phones provide excellent porn carrying options nowadays.
Whatever the reasons for their continued popularity, it is good to know excited teenage boys will still be finding discarded grumble mags in bushes and railway sidings and the like for at least a few years yet.
I went in to pick up some supplies last night from my local corner store and whilst in there had a glance at the top shelf so i could have a free look at the scantily clad women on display. They have a particularly large selection for a corner store. Presumably the shop wouldn't stock them if they didn't sell, but with such a huge array of top shelf material available for free at the click of a mouse, i am surprised that jazz mags have any sort of market nowadays. Apart from being free, by using the internet you avoid the potential embarrassment of taking the Big Jugs magazine you have carefully selected up to the counter and paying the clearly disapproving older Indian lady, whilst the teenagers who have just come in to the shop giggle at your purchase... I imagine. Despite this shop's impressive collection, the range on offer is far smaller than that on the interweb. Magazines do have the advantage of being easily transported but mobile phones provide excellent porn carrying options nowadays.
Whatever the reasons for their continued popularity, it is good to know excited teenage boys will still be finding discarded grumble mags in bushes and railway sidings and the like for at least a few years yet.
sweat?
I carried my phone to work in the front pocket of my shirt this morning. The screen on the phone was resting against my chest. I just took it out to put it on to charge and the screen was covered with a thin layer of moisture... What would that be? Sweat, presumably, but that would mean sweating through my shirt and creating an environment in my pocket so moist that the sweat started to condense on the screen. Could that happen? If so, that is some impressive sweating.
I carried my phone to work in the front pocket of my shirt this morning. The screen on the phone was resting against my chest. I just took it out to put it on to charge and the screen was covered with a thin layer of moisture... What would that be? Sweat, presumably, but that would mean sweating through my shirt and creating an environment in my pocket so moist that the sweat started to condense on the screen. Could that happen? If so, that is some impressive sweating.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
police
After going to a slightly disappointing country music open mic night (they only had 3 people singing and 1 of them wasn't country) on Sunday, i was walking back along my road when i saw a very large police van with blacked out rear windows parked in the road. There is a dodgy pub nearby, where the patrons seem to enjoy a good fight so I assumed they were in the area for that. As I walked further along the street i saw a large group of police officers crammed in to the small waiting area of the local Indian take out (The Bayleaf- it is excellent). "I wonder if they've been robbed" was my initial thought. Then I noticed they all the officers had menus in their hands - they were just out for a big police group curry order. So everybody was a winner. There was nobody beaten up, I got to chuckle at the fat police people going out on a big curry trip and the police got bellies full of delicious curry.
After going to a slightly disappointing country music open mic night (they only had 3 people singing and 1 of them wasn't country) on Sunday, i was walking back along my road when i saw a very large police van with blacked out rear windows parked in the road. There is a dodgy pub nearby, where the patrons seem to enjoy a good fight so I assumed they were in the area for that. As I walked further along the street i saw a large group of police officers crammed in to the small waiting area of the local Indian take out (The Bayleaf- it is excellent). "I wonder if they've been robbed" was my initial thought. Then I noticed they all the officers had menus in their hands - they were just out for a big police group curry order. So everybody was a winner. There was nobody beaten up, I got to chuckle at the fat police people going out on a big curry trip and the police got bellies full of delicious curry.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Are you ready?
I always enjoy the New Year because it means the crap darts is on the BBC. (And it is time for Worlds Strongest Man, which i dissapointingly missed this year) Admittedly I would rather watch the far superior darts on SKY, but I will take what I can get. I love darts. It is a great sport. What other sport (apart from the pantomine that is boxing now) can a 50 year old man be world champion? What other sport will the commentators patronisingly refer to women playing the sport as darling? (Hot [for a darts player] Russian Anastasia "From Russia With Love" Dobromyslova was playing last night. She is not quite hot enough to remove the qualifying "for a darts player" but not far off. Her website is somewhat entertaining. It looks like she is living the dream, having moved to the UK and making an ugly Brit happy in exchange for a visa. Anyway, she was treated to "Come on darling, you can hit the double." by the commentator.) In what other sport can so many fat, unhealthy men be considered the world's best? In what other sport is so much gaudy jewelery on display? It is good to watch on tv but better live. I have been to the good darts World Championships a couple of times and enjoyed it thoroughly. It is generally a very drunken affair with less and less attention being paid to the darts as the session progresses but with more and more roaring when 180s are hit. i met Eric Bristow and Sid Waddell one time. What a day that was! It used to be held at the circus tavern- a horrible pub in Essex. It is the sort of place that on a Friday night has male strippers upstairs for the women, female strippers downstairs for the men and then at 12.00 they allow the two floors of horny Essex people to mingle. urrrgghhh.
Anyway, i plan to watch as much darts as possible over the final 3 days to tide me over until next year.
I always enjoy the New Year because it means the crap darts is on the BBC. (And it is time for Worlds Strongest Man, which i dissapointingly missed this year) Admittedly I would rather watch the far superior darts on SKY, but I will take what I can get. I love darts. It is a great sport. What other sport (apart from the pantomine that is boxing now) can a 50 year old man be world champion? What other sport will the commentators patronisingly refer to women playing the sport as darling? (Hot [for a darts player] Russian Anastasia "From Russia With Love" Dobromyslova was playing last night. She is not quite hot enough to remove the qualifying "for a darts player" but not far off. Her website is somewhat entertaining. It looks like she is living the dream, having moved to the UK and making an ugly Brit happy in exchange for a visa. Anyway, she was treated to "Come on darling, you can hit the double." by the commentator.) In what other sport can so many fat, unhealthy men be considered the world's best? In what other sport is so much gaudy jewelery on display? It is good to watch on tv but better live. I have been to the good darts World Championships a couple of times and enjoyed it thoroughly. It is generally a very drunken affair with less and less attention being paid to the darts as the session progresses but with more and more roaring when 180s are hit. i met Eric Bristow and Sid Waddell one time. What a day that was! It used to be held at the circus tavern- a horrible pub in Essex. It is the sort of place that on a Friday night has male strippers upstairs for the women, female strippers downstairs for the men and then at 12.00 they allow the two floors of horny Essex people to mingle. urrrgghhh.
Anyway, i plan to watch as much darts as possible over the final 3 days to tide me over until next year.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
road rage
On the way to the station this morning i witnessed some road rage. (Although, is it called road rage if it is a pedestrian doing it?) I didn't see the incident that caused it but came round the corner to see a guy in a suit holding a briefcase, presumably on his way to work, shouting at a car waiting in a queue of traffic. I couldn't understand anything he was shouting so have no idea why he was so annoyed. After a bit of a shout it looked like he was done and he turned away to leave. But no, he wheeled back around, started shouting again with renewed vigour and tried to open the driver's door. It was locked so he resorted to hitting the driver's window with his open hand. And more unintelligible shouting. The driver was sitting looking embarrassed whilst trying to ignore the crazy man outside his window. I didn't see how it resolved itself because by this time i had walked past the scene and had to turn down another road. I wonder what the driver did to so enrage the man?
On the way to the station this morning i witnessed some road rage. (Although, is it called road rage if it is a pedestrian doing it?) I didn't see the incident that caused it but came round the corner to see a guy in a suit holding a briefcase, presumably on his way to work, shouting at a car waiting in a queue of traffic. I couldn't understand anything he was shouting so have no idea why he was so annoyed. After a bit of a shout it looked like he was done and he turned away to leave. But no, he wheeled back around, started shouting again with renewed vigour and tried to open the driver's door. It was locked so he resorted to hitting the driver's window with his open hand. And more unintelligible shouting. The driver was sitting looking embarrassed whilst trying to ignore the crazy man outside his window. I didn't see how it resolved itself because by this time i had walked past the scene and had to turn down another road. I wonder what the driver did to so enrage the man?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
bonking
I just interviewed a French lady who kept talking about her work in the banking sector. Except, when a French person says banking (very much like in 'Allo 'Allo) it sounds like bonking, so I found it very difficult not to smile when I heard about her bonking experience and how she would be interested in working in bonking again.
I am quite immature.
I just interviewed a French lady who kept talking about her work in the banking sector. Except, when a French person says banking (very much like in 'Allo 'Allo) it sounds like bonking, so I found it very difficult not to smile when I heard about her bonking experience and how she would be interested in working in bonking again.
I am quite immature.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Christmas fun
I enjoyed the festive period.
My brother had borrowed my car so I had to journey up from London on the trains. It wasn't too horrible. The trains were mostly on time and even the one that was delayed by an hour wasn't too annoying. I had a good book and nothing in particular to be back for. I'd even booked in advance so it didn't cost too much. The most annoying part of the journey was the soundtrack provided for me on one of the trains by some prick and his phone. Obviously, if you are the sort of person to play music loudly from your phone on trains or buses you are going to be a prick of the highest order but why do they always have such utterly shit taste in music? Surely some pricks must have decent taste in music.
Christmas day was delicious - roast turkey and pork for late lunch and various snacky things through out the morning and i ate far too much. My over eating continued at a family party on boxing day where i ate a generous helping of left overs. In the evening i went over to my cousin's where i was given even more left overs and some beer. I was so full by the end of the day that i couldn't lie on my side or my front without pressing on my full belly. I just had to lie on my back feeling horribly bloated occasionally venting gases until i finally fell asleep. My stomach hurt for the next couple of days.
On the 27th I went in to town for a bit of shopping with my Dad. He is a man who loves a bargain and so was out buying reduced price wrapping paper and christmas cards ready for next year.
I didn’t bring any toothpaste of my own when i went home and was forced to use the house toothpaste. They are using mint and lemon flavoured toothpaste??? Mint and citrus flavours do not mix well. I was gagging while brushing my teeth. That can not be a good thing.
After that it was back down to London before heading off to Stockholm for the new year. Stockholm is beautiful. Lots of nice old buildings, and lots of water around. Saw the Vasa, which is a cool old warship but at the same time is utterly rubbish because it was so stupidly built - it sank very shortly in to its maiden voyage in light winds. Also went to the modern art museum, wandered around town quite a bit and went to an ice hockey game. That was fun. They are a good hockey crowd in Sweden and the team we had chosen to support won. Wooo. New Years Eve was drunken and fun and i got to show off my dance moves. I could have pulled thanks to my dancing prowess, but unfortunately the only person sufficiently impressed was a man...
Felt very hungover on new years day wandering around a snowy, then rainy stockholm. Got back late on the 1st and back to work yesterday. urrgghhh.
I enjoyed the festive period.
My brother had borrowed my car so I had to journey up from London on the trains. It wasn't too horrible. The trains were mostly on time and even the one that was delayed by an hour wasn't too annoying. I had a good book and nothing in particular to be back for. I'd even booked in advance so it didn't cost too much. The most annoying part of the journey was the soundtrack provided for me on one of the trains by some prick and his phone. Obviously, if you are the sort of person to play music loudly from your phone on trains or buses you are going to be a prick of the highest order but why do they always have such utterly shit taste in music? Surely some pricks must have decent taste in music.
Christmas day was delicious - roast turkey and pork for late lunch and various snacky things through out the morning and i ate far too much. My over eating continued at a family party on boxing day where i ate a generous helping of left overs. In the evening i went over to my cousin's where i was given even more left overs and some beer. I was so full by the end of the day that i couldn't lie on my side or my front without pressing on my full belly. I just had to lie on my back feeling horribly bloated occasionally venting gases until i finally fell asleep. My stomach hurt for the next couple of days.
On the 27th I went in to town for a bit of shopping with my Dad. He is a man who loves a bargain and so was out buying reduced price wrapping paper and christmas cards ready for next year.
I didn’t bring any toothpaste of my own when i went home and was forced to use the house toothpaste. They are using mint and lemon flavoured toothpaste??? Mint and citrus flavours do not mix well. I was gagging while brushing my teeth. That can not be a good thing.
After that it was back down to London before heading off to Stockholm for the new year. Stockholm is beautiful. Lots of nice old buildings, and lots of water around. Saw the Vasa, which is a cool old warship but at the same time is utterly rubbish because it was so stupidly built - it sank very shortly in to its maiden voyage in light winds. Also went to the modern art museum, wandered around town quite a bit and went to an ice hockey game. That was fun. They are a good hockey crowd in Sweden and the team we had chosen to support won. Wooo. New Years Eve was drunken and fun and i got to show off my dance moves. I could have pulled thanks to my dancing prowess, but unfortunately the only person sufficiently impressed was a man...
Felt very hungover on new years day wandering around a snowy, then rainy stockholm. Got back late on the 1st and back to work yesterday. urrgghhh.
Friday, December 21, 2007
christmas cheer
My last day of work before 11 days off is crawling by so far, but the end is in sight. I am looking forward to a week of sleeping in late, eating very well and drinking too much. Christmas dinner will be a family affair at my Aunt's house. My Aunt's Christmas dinners are amazing and she has a swanky new kitchen to play with this year so i am expecting good things. It will be roast turkey and roast pork and all the usual Christmas trimmings. mmmmm. I am glad that because there was a man preaching forgiveness and tolerance 2000 years ago, i get to give and receive gifts and eat good food until i feel slightly sick once a year in celebration of his birth. I think its what he would have wanted.
And after all the Christmas fun i am off to Stockholm for New Year. Wooo.
My last day of work before 11 days off is crawling by so far, but the end is in sight. I am looking forward to a week of sleeping in late, eating very well and drinking too much. Christmas dinner will be a family affair at my Aunt's house. My Aunt's Christmas dinners are amazing and she has a swanky new kitchen to play with this year so i am expecting good things. It will be roast turkey and roast pork and all the usual Christmas trimmings. mmmmm. I am glad that because there was a man preaching forgiveness and tolerance 2000 years ago, i get to give and receive gifts and eat good food until i feel slightly sick once a year in celebration of his birth. I think its what he would have wanted.
And after all the Christmas fun i am off to Stockholm for New Year. Wooo.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
01707
As it is the build up to Christmas i have been out drinking quite a lot recently. Last night i saw some University friends. I stayed out late and just made the last northern line tube. It was going to the wrong side of the Northern line but it was getting me closer to home and i could get a bus across and up from Golders Green. The first part of the plan worked flawlessly. I arrived at Golders Green and waited for a bus. It was at this point my plan started to go wrong. I got on a bus, where the warm air, the gentle rocking motion, the low hum of the engine and the fact i was more than somewhat drunk meant i was soon asleep. The next thing i knew i was made to get off the bus at a bus depot. I stumbled off the bus and tried to get my bearings. I didn't recognise the area and was concerned to see the area code for the shops nearby was 01707. (The area codes for London are 0208 and 0207.) I was no longer in London, which couldn't be a good thing. I was drunk enough that the bus system was far too confusing to use to get back but was able to call my flat mate up and give him the name of the angling shop i was standing next to and the telephone number. From this he found out i was in Potters Bar (??) and was able to call me a cab and get me home safe and sound. Apparently my call back to the flat was an amusing one with me on the other end of the line drunkenly trying to explain where i was.
I was just looking today to try and work out the route i must have taken and exactly where Potters Bar is. It is 5 miles north of where i live and just outside the M25, hence the change in area code so the taxi back wasn't too bad. But the thing that is confusing me most is that according to the transport for London website to get from Golders Green to Potters Bar is a journey involving 3 different buses. So my conclusion is that one of the following things happened. A. I didn't get off at Golders Green at all and was somewhere else allowing me to get a direct bus to Potters Bar. B. I changed buses... twice without noticing. Or C. They didn't kick me off at the end of the line and finally noticed i was still on the bus at the bus depot. I think option C is the most likely. But I hope it was option B. I think i can discount A as i distinctly remember Golders Green.
As it is the build up to Christmas i have been out drinking quite a lot recently. Last night i saw some University friends. I stayed out late and just made the last northern line tube. It was going to the wrong side of the Northern line but it was getting me closer to home and i could get a bus across and up from Golders Green. The first part of the plan worked flawlessly. I arrived at Golders Green and waited for a bus. It was at this point my plan started to go wrong. I got on a bus, where the warm air, the gentle rocking motion, the low hum of the engine and the fact i was more than somewhat drunk meant i was soon asleep. The next thing i knew i was made to get off the bus at a bus depot. I stumbled off the bus and tried to get my bearings. I didn't recognise the area and was concerned to see the area code for the shops nearby was 01707. (The area codes for London are 0208 and 0207.) I was no longer in London, which couldn't be a good thing. I was drunk enough that the bus system was far too confusing to use to get back but was able to call my flat mate up and give him the name of the angling shop i was standing next to and the telephone number. From this he found out i was in Potters Bar (??) and was able to call me a cab and get me home safe and sound. Apparently my call back to the flat was an amusing one with me on the other end of the line drunkenly trying to explain where i was.
I was just looking today to try and work out the route i must have taken and exactly where Potters Bar is. It is 5 miles north of where i live and just outside the M25, hence the change in area code so the taxi back wasn't too bad. But the thing that is confusing me most is that according to the transport for London website to get from Golders Green to Potters Bar is a journey involving 3 different buses. So my conclusion is that one of the following things happened. A. I didn't get off at Golders Green at all and was somewhere else allowing me to get a direct bus to Potters Bar. B. I changed buses... twice without noticing. Or C. They didn't kick me off at the end of the line and finally noticed i was still on the bus at the bus depot. I think option C is the most likely. But I hope it was option B. I think i can discount A as i distinctly remember Golders Green.
Monday, December 17, 2007
relief
I went up home to see my cousin and her family on Saturday as they are not going to be around at Christmas. I drove over early in the afternoon and was fed once shortly after i arrived with a buffet type spread. It was all very nice and i ate well. We moved on to the pub for a few drinks before returning to their house for a delicious, filling goulash dinner. I was no longer in a fit state to drive so was going to walk home. I thought it would be about a 20 minute walk. It turned out to be more like 30 and was made worse by the fact i left my house keys in my car and only noticed about 5 minutes in to the walk, so had to go back and start again. I felt ominous stirrings in my belly as i was leaving but figured it would be fine. That was a school boy error. The last 15 minutes of the walk were a sphincter clenching nightmare. As i reached my road and my overly full belly was pushing on my liquid filled bowels and i was groaning with the effort of not pooing myself. The relief of release when i finally got home was near orgasm good.
I went up home to see my cousin and her family on Saturday as they are not going to be around at Christmas. I drove over early in the afternoon and was fed once shortly after i arrived with a buffet type spread. It was all very nice and i ate well. We moved on to the pub for a few drinks before returning to their house for a delicious, filling goulash dinner. I was no longer in a fit state to drive so was going to walk home. I thought it would be about a 20 minute walk. It turned out to be more like 30 and was made worse by the fact i left my house keys in my car and only noticed about 5 minutes in to the walk, so had to go back and start again. I felt ominous stirrings in my belly as i was leaving but figured it would be fine. That was a school boy error. The last 15 minutes of the walk were a sphincter clenching nightmare. As i reached my road and my overly full belly was pushing on my liquid filled bowels and i was groaning with the effort of not pooing myself. The relief of release when i finally got home was near orgasm good.
new phone
I replaced my new phone with the best free phone they could give me, which i will inevitably break or lose at some point. I like it though. It has GPS built in so until i lose it i shouldn't get lost. It reads out new texts to me if i push a button - i am not sure exactly when that will be useful but i do like to hear my phone swearing so i have been texting myself with swear words. And if i push a button and say the name of the person i want to call it calls them. That seems to work pretty well and may well be useful.
I replaced my new phone with the best free phone they could give me, which i will inevitably break or lose at some point. I like it though. It has GPS built in so until i lose it i shouldn't get lost. It reads out new texts to me if i push a button - i am not sure exactly when that will be useful but i do like to hear my phone swearing so i have been texting myself with swear words. And if i push a button and say the name of the person i want to call it calls them. That seems to work pretty well and may well be useful.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Chas n Dave
I went to see Chas n Dave in concert last night. (Chas n Dave are a cockney double act who were popular in the early 1980s with various snooker based and tottenham hotspur supporting songs. A good old fashioned cockney pub knees up type act. Snooker Loopy was probably their most famous song. On their fliers they wished people a very happy christmas and a rockney new year. They describe their music as rockney.) It was a pretty enjoyable evening although i foolishly agreed to go on drinking afterwards and then slept through my alarm this morning and turned up to work 2 hours late. It was at the electric ballroom in Camden. They had the weeiest toilets i have ever seen. The entire floor of the mens toilet was covered in a slippery layer of wee. It would have been a revolting fall. After carefully walking to use the toilet and not slipping over i proceeded to wee. i had my coat tied around my waist and the arms were in the way of my zip so i had to hold them to the side. Mid wee i lost my hold on one of the arms, it fell in to the stream and was covered with wee. So my coat is a bit weeey now and i had to wear it today because it is freezing and it is my only coat.
I went to see Chas n Dave in concert last night. (Chas n Dave are a cockney double act who were popular in the early 1980s with various snooker based and tottenham hotspur supporting songs. A good old fashioned cockney pub knees up type act. Snooker Loopy was probably their most famous song. On their fliers they wished people a very happy christmas and a rockney new year. They describe their music as rockney.) It was a pretty enjoyable evening although i foolishly agreed to go on drinking afterwards and then slept through my alarm this morning and turned up to work 2 hours late. It was at the electric ballroom in Camden. They had the weeiest toilets i have ever seen. The entire floor of the mens toilet was covered in a slippery layer of wee. It would have been a revolting fall. After carefully walking to use the toilet and not slipping over i proceeded to wee. i had my coat tied around my waist and the arms were in the way of my zip so i had to hold them to the side. Mid wee i lost my hold on one of the arms, it fell in to the stream and was covered with wee. So my coat is a bit weeey now and i had to wear it today because it is freezing and it is my only coat.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
bizarre
One of my friend's has recently moved to Australia. He is living in Perth at the moment where the local university has an anime club he has been attending on a Saturday afternoon. They show a variety of different anime, have some live action stuff and a bit of cosplay. (people getting dressed up as their favourite cartoon/ computer game characters is cosplay) In order to try and make sure they are showing the series people are most interested in they passed out a questionnaire for people to fill out.
Here are some of the brief descriptions of the shows from that questionnaire:
Bamboo Blade [School,Kendo club, girls]
Blue Dragon [Kid,Totem,Evil Empire]
Ghost Hound [Kidnapping,Visions]
Monster Princess [Guy dies - resurrected as servant]
Moyoshimon [Boy sees microbes]
Murder Princess [Princess,bounty hunter,body swap]
New Giant Robo [Daiskue,ruins,Giant Robo]
Pumpkin Scissors [War relief efforts]
Rental Magica [Rent a Magician]
Sky Girls [Young female test pilots]
Touka Getten [Fantasy,Many Themes,Weirdness]
I am intrigued by Touka Getten. A lot of anime is pretty weird so to have weirdness in the description it must be exceptionally weird.
And Moyoshimon - Boy sees microbes might also be worth a look. Looking it up on google brought me to this strange episode description.
The kiviak bit just sounds bizarre. If you can't be arsed to read the link the episode involves the boy who sees microbes following mirobes to a dead seal buried in the ground. Basically, if the cartoon is right, the kiviak is a fermented food eaten by inuits. They bury a seal in the ground filled with birds, leave it for ages and suck the juices out of the fermented birds through their anuses. Surely people can't eat something like that. An internet search for kiviak brought me this description...
"Kiviak is a gastronomical Christmas treat from Greenland which, for some reason, hasn't been adopted by many other nations. It's made from the raw flesh of an auk which has been buried under a stone in sealskin for several months until it's achieved an advanced stage of decomposition. Apparently, it smells like old blue cheese and tastes very pungent."
nothing about sucking the juices out of the birds asses though. There are other sites discussing its presence in the cartoon but i could find nothing definitive. It was mentioned that the best site about it is in Japanese, which is of no help to me as we are yet to learn the words for fermenting dead birds inside seals yet. Who first came up with the idea of fermenting dead birds in a seal carcass anyway? Seems a repulsive thing to try and then continue to do...
One of my friend's has recently moved to Australia. He is living in Perth at the moment where the local university has an anime club he has been attending on a Saturday afternoon. They show a variety of different anime, have some live action stuff and a bit of cosplay. (people getting dressed up as their favourite cartoon/ computer game characters is cosplay) In order to try and make sure they are showing the series people are most interested in they passed out a questionnaire for people to fill out.
Here are some of the brief descriptions of the shows from that questionnaire:
Bamboo Blade [School,Kendo club, girls]
Blue Dragon [Kid,Totem,Evil Empire]
Ghost Hound [Kidnapping,Visions]
Monster Princess [Guy dies - resurrected as servant]
Moyoshimon [Boy sees microbes]
Murder Princess [Princess,bounty hunter,body swap]
New Giant Robo [Daiskue,ruins,Giant Robo]
Pumpkin Scissors [War relief efforts]
Rental Magica [Rent a Magician]
Sky Girls [Young female test pilots]
Touka Getten [Fantasy,Many Themes,Weirdness]
I am intrigued by Touka Getten. A lot of anime is pretty weird so to have weirdness in the description it must be exceptionally weird.
And Moyoshimon - Boy sees microbes might also be worth a look. Looking it up on google brought me to this strange episode description.
The kiviak bit just sounds bizarre. If you can't be arsed to read the link the episode involves the boy who sees microbes following mirobes to a dead seal buried in the ground. Basically, if the cartoon is right, the kiviak is a fermented food eaten by inuits. They bury a seal in the ground filled with birds, leave it for ages and suck the juices out of the fermented birds through their anuses. Surely people can't eat something like that. An internet search for kiviak brought me this description...
"Kiviak is a gastronomical Christmas treat from Greenland which, for some reason, hasn't been adopted by many other nations. It's made from the raw flesh of an auk which has been buried under a stone in sealskin for several months until it's achieved an advanced stage of decomposition. Apparently, it smells like old blue cheese and tastes very pungent."
nothing about sucking the juices out of the birds asses though. There are other sites discussing its presence in the cartoon but i could find nothing definitive. It was mentioned that the best site about it is in Japanese, which is of no help to me as we are yet to learn the words for fermenting dead birds inside seals yet. Who first came up with the idea of fermenting dead birds in a seal carcass anyway? Seems a repulsive thing to try and then continue to do...
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