talent?
I was pleased to see over the weekend that Coleen McLoughlin (girlfriend of half witted, potato headed multi millionaire footballer Wayne Rooney ) has her very own TV show coming out. It is nice to know that being a somewhat attractive, (if an overly orange woman in need of a personality can be considered attractive) vacuous retard, only famous because she has managed to bag herself a spud faced moron with a penchant for grannies who happens to be very good at football, is all that is required to get your own TV show. Actual talent is superfluous.
(In linking to the charming couple above I read some of the Coleen bit on Wikipedia. They have a Dallas themed living room.
And Wayne proposed to her on the forecourt of a BP garage. It is nice to see romance isn't dead.)
Monday, January 28, 2008
cereal
My cousin came down to stay with me this weekend. She was taking the American SATs because she is thinking of going to University in the US and so has to have an SAT result to do that... Anyway, I had to buy her some cereal as she didn't approve of my fruit and nut option. She went with Frosties, which i joined her in eating on Sunday morning. It took me back to my childhood. I ate Frosties before school for many years and had perfected my eating method to get the maximum enjoyment out of a bowl. It was as follows.
Perfect Frosties Eating Technique. (If you are me)
1. Add the required amount of delicious frosted flakes to a bowl.
2. Add a generous amount of milk fresh out of the fridge and as cold as possible to the bowl. The milk should be about 1 cm higher in the bowl than the top of the cereal before the addition of the milk.
3. Leave the bowl of cereal and boil 3 cups of water.
4. Make a cup of tea with the boiled water (The timing of steps 3 and 4 is crucial. This allows the milk to slightly soften the Frosties and also the sugar from the Frosties starts to dissolve and turn the milk sweet. Too little time and the Frosties will be too hard and stand some chance of lacerating the roof of your mouth. More importantly though, the remaining milk may not be enjoyably sweet by the time the flakes have been eaten. On the other hand, taking too much time results in a soggy mess of cereal, where you do get sweet milk, which is nice, but the flakes lack any crunch and the texture in the mouth is not a pleasant one. How quickly your kettle boils and how fast you are at making tea are obvious variables here so some experimentation may be required.)
5. Eat the still crunchy Frosties, being careful not to take up too much milk with each spoonful.
6. Drink the enjoyably large amount of deliciously sweet milk remaining in the bowl.
I enjoyed going through my ritual again on Sunday and have the remainder of the pack to look forward to as well. They're great.
My cousin came down to stay with me this weekend. She was taking the American SATs because she is thinking of going to University in the US and so has to have an SAT result to do that... Anyway, I had to buy her some cereal as she didn't approve of my fruit and nut option. She went with Frosties, which i joined her in eating on Sunday morning. It took me back to my childhood. I ate Frosties before school for many years and had perfected my eating method to get the maximum enjoyment out of a bowl. It was as follows.
Perfect Frosties Eating Technique. (If you are me)
1. Add the required amount of delicious frosted flakes to a bowl.
2. Add a generous amount of milk fresh out of the fridge and as cold as possible to the bowl. The milk should be about 1 cm higher in the bowl than the top of the cereal before the addition of the milk.
3. Leave the bowl of cereal and boil 3 cups of water.
4. Make a cup of tea with the boiled water (The timing of steps 3 and 4 is crucial. This allows the milk to slightly soften the Frosties and also the sugar from the Frosties starts to dissolve and turn the milk sweet. Too little time and the Frosties will be too hard and stand some chance of lacerating the roof of your mouth. More importantly though, the remaining milk may not be enjoyably sweet by the time the flakes have been eaten. On the other hand, taking too much time results in a soggy mess of cereal, where you do get sweet milk, which is nice, but the flakes lack any crunch and the texture in the mouth is not a pleasant one. How quickly your kettle boils and how fast you are at making tea are obvious variables here so some experimentation may be required.)
5. Eat the still crunchy Frosties, being careful not to take up too much milk with each spoonful.
6. Drink the enjoyably large amount of deliciously sweet milk remaining in the bowl.
I enjoyed going through my ritual again on Sunday and have the remainder of the pack to look forward to as well. They're great.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
top shelf
I went in to pick up some supplies last night from my local corner store and whilst in there had a glance at the top shelf so i could have a free look at the scantily clad women on display. They have a particularly large selection for a corner store. Presumably the shop wouldn't stock them if they didn't sell, but with such a huge array of top shelf material available for free at the click of a mouse, i am surprised that jazz mags have any sort of market nowadays. Apart from being free, by using the internet you avoid the potential embarrassment of taking the Big Jugs magazine you have carefully selected up to the counter and paying the clearly disapproving older Indian lady, whilst the teenagers who have just come in to the shop giggle at your purchase... I imagine. Despite this shop's impressive collection, the range on offer is far smaller than that on the interweb. Magazines do have the advantage of being easily transported but mobile phones provide excellent porn carrying options nowadays.
Whatever the reasons for their continued popularity, it is good to know excited teenage boys will still be finding discarded grumble mags in bushes and railway sidings and the like for at least a few years yet.
I went in to pick up some supplies last night from my local corner store and whilst in there had a glance at the top shelf so i could have a free look at the scantily clad women on display. They have a particularly large selection for a corner store. Presumably the shop wouldn't stock them if they didn't sell, but with such a huge array of top shelf material available for free at the click of a mouse, i am surprised that jazz mags have any sort of market nowadays. Apart from being free, by using the internet you avoid the potential embarrassment of taking the Big Jugs magazine you have carefully selected up to the counter and paying the clearly disapproving older Indian lady, whilst the teenagers who have just come in to the shop giggle at your purchase... I imagine. Despite this shop's impressive collection, the range on offer is far smaller than that on the interweb. Magazines do have the advantage of being easily transported but mobile phones provide excellent porn carrying options nowadays.
Whatever the reasons for their continued popularity, it is good to know excited teenage boys will still be finding discarded grumble mags in bushes and railway sidings and the like for at least a few years yet.
sweat?
I carried my phone to work in the front pocket of my shirt this morning. The screen on the phone was resting against my chest. I just took it out to put it on to charge and the screen was covered with a thin layer of moisture... What would that be? Sweat, presumably, but that would mean sweating through my shirt and creating an environment in my pocket so moist that the sweat started to condense on the screen. Could that happen? If so, that is some impressive sweating.
I carried my phone to work in the front pocket of my shirt this morning. The screen on the phone was resting against my chest. I just took it out to put it on to charge and the screen was covered with a thin layer of moisture... What would that be? Sweat, presumably, but that would mean sweating through my shirt and creating an environment in my pocket so moist that the sweat started to condense on the screen. Could that happen? If so, that is some impressive sweating.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
police
After going to a slightly disappointing country music open mic night (they only had 3 people singing and 1 of them wasn't country) on Sunday, i was walking back along my road when i saw a very large police van with blacked out rear windows parked in the road. There is a dodgy pub nearby, where the patrons seem to enjoy a good fight so I assumed they were in the area for that. As I walked further along the street i saw a large group of police officers crammed in to the small waiting area of the local Indian take out (The Bayleaf- it is excellent). "I wonder if they've been robbed" was my initial thought. Then I noticed they all the officers had menus in their hands - they were just out for a big police group curry order. So everybody was a winner. There was nobody beaten up, I got to chuckle at the fat police people going out on a big curry trip and the police got bellies full of delicious curry.
After going to a slightly disappointing country music open mic night (they only had 3 people singing and 1 of them wasn't country) on Sunday, i was walking back along my road when i saw a very large police van with blacked out rear windows parked in the road. There is a dodgy pub nearby, where the patrons seem to enjoy a good fight so I assumed they were in the area for that. As I walked further along the street i saw a large group of police officers crammed in to the small waiting area of the local Indian take out (The Bayleaf- it is excellent). "I wonder if they've been robbed" was my initial thought. Then I noticed they all the officers had menus in their hands - they were just out for a big police group curry order. So everybody was a winner. There was nobody beaten up, I got to chuckle at the fat police people going out on a big curry trip and the police got bellies full of delicious curry.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Are you ready?
I always enjoy the New Year because it means the crap darts is on the BBC. (And it is time for Worlds Strongest Man, which i dissapointingly missed this year) Admittedly I would rather watch the far superior darts on SKY, but I will take what I can get. I love darts. It is a great sport. What other sport (apart from the pantomine that is boxing now) can a 50 year old man be world champion? What other sport will the commentators patronisingly refer to women playing the sport as darling? (Hot [for a darts player] Russian Anastasia "From Russia With Love" Dobromyslova was playing last night. She is not quite hot enough to remove the qualifying "for a darts player" but not far off. Her website is somewhat entertaining. It looks like she is living the dream, having moved to the UK and making an ugly Brit happy in exchange for a visa. Anyway, she was treated to "Come on darling, you can hit the double." by the commentator.) In what other sport can so many fat, unhealthy men be considered the world's best? In what other sport is so much gaudy jewelery on display? It is good to watch on tv but better live. I have been to the good darts World Championships a couple of times and enjoyed it thoroughly. It is generally a very drunken affair with less and less attention being paid to the darts as the session progresses but with more and more roaring when 180s are hit. i met Eric Bristow and Sid Waddell one time. What a day that was! It used to be held at the circus tavern- a horrible pub in Essex. It is the sort of place that on a Friday night has male strippers upstairs for the women, female strippers downstairs for the men and then at 12.00 they allow the two floors of horny Essex people to mingle. urrrgghhh.
Anyway, i plan to watch as much darts as possible over the final 3 days to tide me over until next year.
I always enjoy the New Year because it means the crap darts is on the BBC. (And it is time for Worlds Strongest Man, which i dissapointingly missed this year) Admittedly I would rather watch the far superior darts on SKY, but I will take what I can get. I love darts. It is a great sport. What other sport (apart from the pantomine that is boxing now) can a 50 year old man be world champion? What other sport will the commentators patronisingly refer to women playing the sport as darling? (Hot [for a darts player] Russian Anastasia "From Russia With Love" Dobromyslova was playing last night. She is not quite hot enough to remove the qualifying "for a darts player" but not far off. Her website is somewhat entertaining. It looks like she is living the dream, having moved to the UK and making an ugly Brit happy in exchange for a visa. Anyway, she was treated to "Come on darling, you can hit the double." by the commentator.) In what other sport can so many fat, unhealthy men be considered the world's best? In what other sport is so much gaudy jewelery on display? It is good to watch on tv but better live. I have been to the good darts World Championships a couple of times and enjoyed it thoroughly. It is generally a very drunken affair with less and less attention being paid to the darts as the session progresses but with more and more roaring when 180s are hit. i met Eric Bristow and Sid Waddell one time. What a day that was! It used to be held at the circus tavern- a horrible pub in Essex. It is the sort of place that on a Friday night has male strippers upstairs for the women, female strippers downstairs for the men and then at 12.00 they allow the two floors of horny Essex people to mingle. urrrgghhh.
Anyway, i plan to watch as much darts as possible over the final 3 days to tide me over until next year.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
road rage
On the way to the station this morning i witnessed some road rage. (Although, is it called road rage if it is a pedestrian doing it?) I didn't see the incident that caused it but came round the corner to see a guy in a suit holding a briefcase, presumably on his way to work, shouting at a car waiting in a queue of traffic. I couldn't understand anything he was shouting so have no idea why he was so annoyed. After a bit of a shout it looked like he was done and he turned away to leave. But no, he wheeled back around, started shouting again with renewed vigour and tried to open the driver's door. It was locked so he resorted to hitting the driver's window with his open hand. And more unintelligible shouting. The driver was sitting looking embarrassed whilst trying to ignore the crazy man outside his window. I didn't see how it resolved itself because by this time i had walked past the scene and had to turn down another road. I wonder what the driver did to so enrage the man?
On the way to the station this morning i witnessed some road rage. (Although, is it called road rage if it is a pedestrian doing it?) I didn't see the incident that caused it but came round the corner to see a guy in a suit holding a briefcase, presumably on his way to work, shouting at a car waiting in a queue of traffic. I couldn't understand anything he was shouting so have no idea why he was so annoyed. After a bit of a shout it looked like he was done and he turned away to leave. But no, he wheeled back around, started shouting again with renewed vigour and tried to open the driver's door. It was locked so he resorted to hitting the driver's window with his open hand. And more unintelligible shouting. The driver was sitting looking embarrassed whilst trying to ignore the crazy man outside his window. I didn't see how it resolved itself because by this time i had walked past the scene and had to turn down another road. I wonder what the driver did to so enrage the man?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
bonking
I just interviewed a French lady who kept talking about her work in the banking sector. Except, when a French person says banking (very much like in 'Allo 'Allo) it sounds like bonking, so I found it very difficult not to smile when I heard about her bonking experience and how she would be interested in working in bonking again.
I am quite immature.
I just interviewed a French lady who kept talking about her work in the banking sector. Except, when a French person says banking (very much like in 'Allo 'Allo) it sounds like bonking, so I found it very difficult not to smile when I heard about her bonking experience and how she would be interested in working in bonking again.
I am quite immature.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Christmas fun
I enjoyed the festive period.
My brother had borrowed my car so I had to journey up from London on the trains. It wasn't too horrible. The trains were mostly on time and even the one that was delayed by an hour wasn't too annoying. I had a good book and nothing in particular to be back for. I'd even booked in advance so it didn't cost too much. The most annoying part of the journey was the soundtrack provided for me on one of the trains by some prick and his phone. Obviously, if you are the sort of person to play music loudly from your phone on trains or buses you are going to be a prick of the highest order but why do they always have such utterly shit taste in music? Surely some pricks must have decent taste in music.
Christmas day was delicious - roast turkey and pork for late lunch and various snacky things through out the morning and i ate far too much. My over eating continued at a family party on boxing day where i ate a generous helping of left overs. In the evening i went over to my cousin's where i was given even more left overs and some beer. I was so full by the end of the day that i couldn't lie on my side or my front without pressing on my full belly. I just had to lie on my back feeling horribly bloated occasionally venting gases until i finally fell asleep. My stomach hurt for the next couple of days.
On the 27th I went in to town for a bit of shopping with my Dad. He is a man who loves a bargain and so was out buying reduced price wrapping paper and christmas cards ready for next year.
I didn’t bring any toothpaste of my own when i went home and was forced to use the house toothpaste. They are using mint and lemon flavoured toothpaste??? Mint and citrus flavours do not mix well. I was gagging while brushing my teeth. That can not be a good thing.
After that it was back down to London before heading off to Stockholm for the new year. Stockholm is beautiful. Lots of nice old buildings, and lots of water around. Saw the Vasa, which is a cool old warship but at the same time is utterly rubbish because it was so stupidly built - it sank very shortly in to its maiden voyage in light winds. Also went to the modern art museum, wandered around town quite a bit and went to an ice hockey game. That was fun. They are a good hockey crowd in Sweden and the team we had chosen to support won. Wooo. New Years Eve was drunken and fun and i got to show off my dance moves. I could have pulled thanks to my dancing prowess, but unfortunately the only person sufficiently impressed was a man...
Felt very hungover on new years day wandering around a snowy, then rainy stockholm. Got back late on the 1st and back to work yesterday. urrgghhh.
I enjoyed the festive period.
My brother had borrowed my car so I had to journey up from London on the trains. It wasn't too horrible. The trains were mostly on time and even the one that was delayed by an hour wasn't too annoying. I had a good book and nothing in particular to be back for. I'd even booked in advance so it didn't cost too much. The most annoying part of the journey was the soundtrack provided for me on one of the trains by some prick and his phone. Obviously, if you are the sort of person to play music loudly from your phone on trains or buses you are going to be a prick of the highest order but why do they always have such utterly shit taste in music? Surely some pricks must have decent taste in music.
Christmas day was delicious - roast turkey and pork for late lunch and various snacky things through out the morning and i ate far too much. My over eating continued at a family party on boxing day where i ate a generous helping of left overs. In the evening i went over to my cousin's where i was given even more left overs and some beer. I was so full by the end of the day that i couldn't lie on my side or my front without pressing on my full belly. I just had to lie on my back feeling horribly bloated occasionally venting gases until i finally fell asleep. My stomach hurt for the next couple of days.
On the 27th I went in to town for a bit of shopping with my Dad. He is a man who loves a bargain and so was out buying reduced price wrapping paper and christmas cards ready for next year.
I didn’t bring any toothpaste of my own when i went home and was forced to use the house toothpaste. They are using mint and lemon flavoured toothpaste??? Mint and citrus flavours do not mix well. I was gagging while brushing my teeth. That can not be a good thing.
After that it was back down to London before heading off to Stockholm for the new year. Stockholm is beautiful. Lots of nice old buildings, and lots of water around. Saw the Vasa, which is a cool old warship but at the same time is utterly rubbish because it was so stupidly built - it sank very shortly in to its maiden voyage in light winds. Also went to the modern art museum, wandered around town quite a bit and went to an ice hockey game. That was fun. They are a good hockey crowd in Sweden and the team we had chosen to support won. Wooo. New Years Eve was drunken and fun and i got to show off my dance moves. I could have pulled thanks to my dancing prowess, but unfortunately the only person sufficiently impressed was a man...
Felt very hungover on new years day wandering around a snowy, then rainy stockholm. Got back late on the 1st and back to work yesterday. urrgghhh.
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