oof
My friend just e-mailed me. He was sitting watching tv when a mosquito landed on his crotch. His slap a mosquito when it lands on you instinct kicked in and resulted in a painful blow to the right testicle.
Haha. He hit himself in the testicles. I like stories about people getting hit in the testicles.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Stag
I went on a stag do at the weekend and it was tremendous fun. We went to Llangollen- north wales. It seems a nice place. There is a river running through it, hilly surroundings, an amusing taxidermy shop with a wide array of ugly, scary looking stuffed animals and a nice riverside station with a steam train to go sight seeing along the Dee valley. On Friday night we drank in the nice old pub we were staying in and it was a fairly quiet night. On Saturday we went to an outdoor centre in the morning and did an hour racing mud buggies around a track and then an hour mountain quad biking, which was enormous fun - very, very enjoyable. Good hilly scenery and pissing around on quad bikes is a good combination. One of my friends managed to turn his on its side quite impressively after trying to get the back end out. He was lucky it didn't roll all the way over but as it was it was very amusing. His face was a treat as he realised he was going over. Then we went back to town and started the drinking watching the rugby. A slightly ropey curry and a hotel bar playing drinking games was the rest of the stag evening. Any nice pubs were too busy for us all to get a table so the weird unpopular hotel bar was the best bet. It had all sorts of crap hung from the ceiling- a pram full of wombles, pitchforks, scythes bed pans, bikes and other random stuff. The toilets were downstairs. To get to them involved going along a poorly carpeted corridor which had a load of empty, slightly decrepit rooms off either side. The sort of place a serial killer would have been proud of. But it was a fun evening. Even though the owner of the bar was a tedious man who enjoyed talking at his clientelle about his art and the website he sold it on.
And then on Sunday I got to spend 3 painful hung over hours driving back from north wales.
That is my first Welsh stag of the year. I have another one at the end of next month so i can see how North Wales stags compare with South Wales stags.
I went on a stag do at the weekend and it was tremendous fun. We went to Llangollen- north wales. It seems a nice place. There is a river running through it, hilly surroundings, an amusing taxidermy shop with a wide array of ugly, scary looking stuffed animals and a nice riverside station with a steam train to go sight seeing along the Dee valley. On Friday night we drank in the nice old pub we were staying in and it was a fairly quiet night. On Saturday we went to an outdoor centre in the morning and did an hour racing mud buggies around a track and then an hour mountain quad biking, which was enormous fun - very, very enjoyable. Good hilly scenery and pissing around on quad bikes is a good combination. One of my friends managed to turn his on its side quite impressively after trying to get the back end out. He was lucky it didn't roll all the way over but as it was it was very amusing. His face was a treat as he realised he was going over. Then we went back to town and started the drinking watching the rugby. A slightly ropey curry and a hotel bar playing drinking games was the rest of the stag evening. Any nice pubs were too busy for us all to get a table so the weird unpopular hotel bar was the best bet. It had all sorts of crap hung from the ceiling- a pram full of wombles, pitchforks, scythes bed pans, bikes and other random stuff. The toilets were downstairs. To get to them involved going along a poorly carpeted corridor which had a load of empty, slightly decrepit rooms off either side. The sort of place a serial killer would have been proud of. But it was a fun evening. Even though the owner of the bar was a tedious man who enjoyed talking at his clientelle about his art and the website he sold it on.
And then on Sunday I got to spend 3 painful hung over hours driving back from north wales.
That is my first Welsh stag of the year. I have another one at the end of next month so i can see how North Wales stags compare with South Wales stags.
What would Jesus do?
I was watching the news yesterday morning as i got ready for work. They were reporting on the finding of a child's body buried in concrete in a care home in Jersey and the suggestions of wide spread cruelty to children. Their interview subject was a Jersey vicar. And on live national television he said we should treat people who mistreat children as it suggests in the old testament - we should hang mill stones around their neck and throw them in to the sea. Obviously, mistreating children is wrong but this seems a little much, particularly coming out of the mouth of a man whose religion is based on the teachings of Jesus. I am fairly sure Jesus was against tying mill stones around people's necks and drowning them. But I could easily be wrong - I am sure a vicar would know more about it than me...
I was watching the news yesterday morning as i got ready for work. They were reporting on the finding of a child's body buried in concrete in a care home in Jersey and the suggestions of wide spread cruelty to children. Their interview subject was a Jersey vicar. And on live national television he said we should treat people who mistreat children as it suggests in the old testament - we should hang mill stones around their neck and throw them in to the sea. Obviously, mistreating children is wrong but this seems a little much, particularly coming out of the mouth of a man whose religion is based on the teachings of Jesus. I am fairly sure Jesus was against tying mill stones around people's necks and drowning them. But I could easily be wrong - I am sure a vicar would know more about it than me...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
ironing board
If you are heading out for a couple of drinks this evening, my advice to you would be don't leave your ironing board set up just in front of the front door and definitely don't leave it set up so it is crotch high. Then you will be able to avoid bursting in to your dark living room with the intention of relieving your straining bladder and finding yourself being abruptly stopped by the end of an ironing board hitting you in the testicles.
If you are heading out for a couple of drinks this evening, my advice to you would be don't leave your ironing board set up just in front of the front door and definitely don't leave it set up so it is crotch high. Then you will be able to avoid bursting in to your dark living room with the intention of relieving your straining bladder and finding yourself being abruptly stopped by the end of an ironing board hitting you in the testicles.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
umbrella
I was walking home from the tube after going to a pub quiz. I had my umbrella with me. When I walk back with an umbrella I like to use it like a walking stick, twirl the umbrella around my hand a bit and also to place the tip on the ground and kick it so the bottom of the umbrella swings up and over pivoting around my hand and returns to its original starting position. I find it makes a dull walk, slightly less dull. I was doing my usual swinging the umbrella about a bit and then went for the kick the umbrella around in a circle trick. Probably because i was somewhat well oiled, i gave the umbrella a good boot but the direction of the kick was a little awry resulting in me kicking the tip in to my forehead. It hurt and there is a slightly red mark to remind me of the incident today.
I was walking home from the tube after going to a pub quiz. I had my umbrella with me. When I walk back with an umbrella I like to use it like a walking stick, twirl the umbrella around my hand a bit and also to place the tip on the ground and kick it so the bottom of the umbrella swings up and over pivoting around my hand and returns to its original starting position. I find it makes a dull walk, slightly less dull. I was doing my usual swinging the umbrella about a bit and then went for the kick the umbrella around in a circle trick. Probably because i was somewhat well oiled, i gave the umbrella a good boot but the direction of the kick was a little awry resulting in me kicking the tip in to my forehead. It hurt and there is a slightly red mark to remind me of the incident today.
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